Am I home yet?

Google the definition of home and it is described as ‘a dwelling place, a place of origin, a base of operations.’

Wikipedia describes home as: ‘A place where a person lives permanently or semi-permanently, serving as a centre for daily life, family, and personal safety.’

Opinions on the concept vary. Many connect to home primarily through physical comfort and familiarity; others argue that home is defined more deeply by internal safety, memory or community rather than a permanent building.

To many, home is a sanctuary. Somewhere you have a sense of belonging. A place where you can be yourself. Sadly, for some, home is a place they dream of escaping from.

I find it relatively easy to move on emotionally from bricks and mortar. I guess I had to toughen up as a youngster, as I was forever being dragged to new places to live. This meant leaving friends behind and enduring the trauma of being the new kid at school, trying to break into established friendship groups. Kids are cruel.

We have not lived in our own home or country of origin since 2018. I have returned a few times, mainly driven by work, with the happy secondary benefit of being able to catch up with much-loved and greatly missed friends.

My husband has not set foot in the UK since the day we left. He doesn’t feel the need, he says. Our overseas friends are welcome to come here — as many of them have. And who doesn’t want a holiday in Mauritius for only the cost of the flight?

Does familiarity make a place home?

Are you home when the rose-tinted sunglasses have been replaced by varifocals? When what was once a delightful foible of island life now irritates the hell out of you? When quaint starts to look run-down, and you notice the traffic and the appalling driving standards rather than excusing them as part of the laid-back pace of island life?

Which, incidentally, isn’t as slow as you might imagine.

Daily life doesn’t change in paradise. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking all go on much as they do anywhere else. Maybe it’s worse? It’s very hot pushing a vacuum cleaner around, and it’s rare to be able to buy all the ingredients for a meal in one supermarket. On the positive side, it is remarkably easy to get the sheets dry.

Maybe you are home when you have lived somewhere long enough to become acclimatised and 17 degrees feels cold. When you are wearing jeans and a cardigan while the tourists are wandering around in bikinis, determined to return home with an Indian Ocean tan. Winter blues are not confined to cold climates. We are longing for summer to finally banish the cool, windy weather.

Does having a regular hairdresser, manicurist and the guy at the petrol station knowing your name mean you are at home?

Maybe.

But I think what really makes somewhere feel like home is friendship.

Bumping into someone in the local supermarket and stopping for a chat that makes you both late. Finding a couple of girlfriends in a coffee bar by chance and being invited to join them, your coffee mysteriously appearing on their bill. Neighbours inviting you over for dinner.

Meeting new people who quickly become part of your tribe without any effort. The mahjong group that has become so much more than a group of individuals who know how to play.

Missing people when they are out of the country for a few weeks or months.

In many ways, we are all creatures of habit. Humans are biologically and physiologically predisposed to familiarity and routine. Routine makes us feel emotionally grounded.

I would lay claim to being a tad impetuous, relishing spontaneity, but I have to admit it gives me a warm feeling when the bar staff in my regular haunts know my drink without asking. Happy hour makes me happy, not because of the 2-for-1 wine, but because of the regular crowd who drop in for a chat.

I am lucky enough to have a nice place to live, surrounded by nice things, my dog and my man who love me, and a supportive social circle. Emotionally, I am home. Physically, geographically, I don’t really feel totally at home anywhere.

I remain not quite settled.