Writing my last blog led me to reflect on not only what I have learned recently but on the lessons life has thrown at me over the years. As you’ll discover, not all valuable lessons came from positive experiences. Sometimes life lobs a curveball, and you simply figure it out as you go along.
My first life lesson was learned early: work hard, manage your money and always be financially self-sufficient. Growing up with an unconventional family structure, there was little cash for niceties. As a result, I was never without a Saturday job. In my teens, fashion retail came with the added benefit of staff discount. As I got older, I became a mediocre waitress and accomplished bar tender – why go out and spend money when you can get wages, tips, staff meals and drinks just for standing on the other side of the same bar? Working 2-3 jobs at once felt entirely normal to me, even after getting married and benefitting from two decent salaries. I reluctantly dropped bartending only when evenings had to be relinquished to study for my professional qualifications.
Early on, money fanned the flames of ambition. I turned down a place at university when I was offered a full-time role at the company I was working at during the summer break. I enjoyed having money to spend and independence. Instead of academic education I learned how to be a good employee whom people trusted and wanted to promote.
It is not rocket science, the route to promotion is simple; always deliver what you promise, on time and under budget, be brave when making tough decisions and do not be afraid to ask for help. Manage people the way you would like to be managed. It is essential to master the appropriate social graces for the workplace and be as adept at office politics as a junior minister trying to avoid a scandal, all whilst maintaining a sunny disposition and being well liked. Competence alone is rarely good enough.
My work life taught me how to negotiate. Yes, many management courses were ticked off along the way, but my skills were honed by a deep desire to achieve the right and just outcome. Over the years, I negotiated salary reviews, restructures, difficult promotion decisions, pay-offs, budgets and policies. Some negotiations were easy. Did the CEO really want a zero-alcohol clause in the employment policies we were discussing over a bottle of Sancerre with lunch, or would “not intoxicated” suffice? Some, less so, such as when new owners wanted the management team (me included) fired for the lowest possible cost. I eventually realised that compromises often leave everyone mildly dissatisfied. Consensus supported by logical reasoning works far better. We all negotiate daily; we just don’t recognise a discussion over whether to watch sport or a romcom on TV tonight as a negotiation. The logical argument is that a rerun of Pretty Woman is way more entertaining than football. The boys get Julia Roberts (or Richard Gere if they prefer) to ogle and the girls get to delight in the “big mistake” scene when she adroitly silences those snooty shop assistants. Win/win.
I learned how to run my own business following redundancy. Something I never had any ambition to do, but on two separate occasions, after being laid off and paid off, I was asked to go back on a consultancy basis. Headcount was reduced, the payroll cost was moved to another line in the budget, so everyone was happy, but I had to set up a company. The end result – an education in accounting, tax, VAT, business development, IT support and becoming a home barista.
Continuing on a theme of bad things teaching you stuff, today I look back on being horribly bullied at a posh all-girls private school as having shaped my resilience and the ability to hold my own in challenging situations. Not that I enjoyed the character-building experiences of being locked in cupboards, burned with a Bunsen Burner, “tripping” on stairs and being ostracised because of my mixed race and regional accent, at the time. Looking back, those experiences probably taught me resilience long before adulthood did.
I am grateful for good manners; table etiquette and the art of dinner party conversation being instilled into me at an early age. Maybe I could have been spared being prodded in the back of my hand with a fork until my natural left-handedness with cutlery was banished but I was told that if I ever had tea with the Queen, I would be grateful. Sadly, I never had tea with the Queen, but I did have afternoon tea with the Governor of the Bank of England and have been to many a swanky restaurant and formal banquet. Thankfully, without incident, no Pygmalion moment panicking over soup spoons and fish knives.
Upon passing my driving test my (then) husband-to-be did his best to ensure I would never be a damsel in distress by teaching me basic vehicle maintenance. How to change a tyre, topping up oil and water, adding anti-freeze, filling up screen wash, checking tyre pressure etc. He clearly had good intentions but not to this day have I carried out any of those tasks. A breakdown policy and a husband make such knowledge superfluous. I know it is 2026 and it is wildly unfashionable for jobs to be divided along traditional lines but in my world cars and bins remain jobs for the boys.
I am sure many more lessons have disappeared from memory for better or worse, and there is still much more to learn. Hopefully with no repetition of being locked in the science cupboard!
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