Blurred lines and man flu.

Dispatches and Detours was always intended to be a quick-read round-up of life’s mishaps and mild surprises — an alternative to posting on social media, which I am thoroughly over. Too much AI fiction about people I’ve never heard of, too many adverts for things I don’t want, too many people shouting opinions I didn’t ask for. Somewhere along the way, though, I seem to have blurred the lines between dispatch and full-blown blog. A refocus is clearly overdue; no more detours.

This week’s dispatch box delivered a generous helping of man flu to the men in my life — partner, neighbours and friends. The ladies (me included) have not escaped entirely; we have simply gritted our teeth (in my case, my newly fixed ones) and carried on with marginally more stoicism. Thankfully the worst has now passed. It never ceases to amaze me what the local pharmacies will hand over without a prescription and at surprisingly little cost. Modern medicine — and a touch of melodrama — has seen everyone through.

There has also been a flurry of domestic buying and selling. The exciting purchase: a pizza oven. The less exciting but entirely necessary one: a new stick vacuum. Only one has been pressed into service so far — I’ll let you guess which.

On the selling side, two old BBQs and two old vacuum cleaners found new homes. I remain mildly astonished at how much money people will pay for things I would describe as “old tat”. We are hovering near break-even territory, which feels like a financial triumph. The BBQs were clean and respectable; the vacuums serviced and still sucking. I trust their new owners are delighted.

I am not missing the BBQ. I only ever used it to cook pizza anyway. It is weirdly absurd that we barbecued far more often in the UK than we do now, living somewhere with a warm reliable climate. For two people, it’s simply too much faff. I can griddle two fillet steaks on the hob in half the time, and the air fryer produces an entirely respectable baked potato.

Oddly, I rarely ate pizza in England. Now I make my own dough.

And yes — it was the pizza oven that was used before the vacuum. Obviously.